Ok, I really have no idea why I’m even posting on this except for the SHEER camp value it has. I mean, it covers cult/scifi so I guess it is post worthy, but there is so much more… Former WWE performer (as Vampire sexpot ‘Ariel‘) Shelly Martinez has entered the online webisode world with her super campy heroine … Sprinkles? Yeah, …’Sprinkles’. Seriously. I have no idea what her super powers are, but I sure hope it’s not related to her name… Regardless of the obvious uh… ‘assets’ she possesses, (oh, and they ARE obvious) the series seems to smack of the tongue and cheek (no pun intended) attitude of ‘Barb Wire’ or ‘Stripperella’. Check out the teaser:
And it that’s not enough, here is the first ‘episode’ of the series: ‘The Mighty Mermen from Mars ‘
At first I was all… “What in the rotting left ball fuck am I watching here?!?!?!?” and you all know that I’ll watch just about anything… and before I knew it, I was just laughing at the sheer campiness and fun that went into it. I’m endorsing it not because of the boobs… (well, not entirely at least) but because of the spirit, I’m looking forward to where this is going! Good luck Shelly and company!
I’m ‘the Zombieking’ and this topic is now DEAD to me!
Ok… time for a lil’ slice o’ Zombieking wisdom…and opinion…and bullshit. (always with the bullshit…)
As you can see from our interviews- I like Art. It’s probably because I suck at it so bad, but I admire the ability to create. In that ability, I usually get flabbergasted and honored that so many artists take the time to even put up a special something for us, the Zombieinfo.com reader. I mean- take a look at the GALLERY to see what I mean…
Art comes in many forms however, and I recently pointed to some (and here comes the Zombieking quote) “Fucking wicked-cool†stuff, I’m talking about Grunge Geek Design… I mean take a look at the intro I got from her:
“I wanted to introduce my website as something that your readers might be interested in. I am an artist specializing in anatomy, Gothic, mourning and gory themes. I work with antique surgical tools, cameos and grunge techniques. “ (ZK- As a side note: I have NO idea what any of this actually means…but I like it.)
She continues: “As an eCommerce director by trade I realized that learning some graphic design would greatly help me in my work. I wasn’t expecting it to allow me to release my creativity. Mixing graphic design elements with hands on arts I was able to create some morbid pieces.â€
Ok, so what does this say to me…? I’ll tell you (and you knew that I would): This person was simply saying to themselves, I’m gonna fuck around with some web stuff…and HOLY FUCK! I’m creating something!!! (Sound like anyone we know?) Take a look at her bio from her site: LINK HERE
The difference is that while everyone can create stuff… hers is fucking AWESOME.
But oh no… she’s not content to just do that one trick, she does collages, AND Jewelry! I’m sure that there are more ideas in that head of hers… and I have to say I’m stoked to see them develop.
I will also go on record that THIS is the coolest necklace I’ve ever seen.
I’d even wear it, although I’m gonna walk around a while before any scientist gets a hold of the King… but it’s a pretty damn cool way to make sure you get where you’re going… Maybe I could get a custom “ When I stop walking, I bequeath my body to Science†one… who knows. Anyway- get over there and take a look at her stuff, it’s cool and therefore ZK approved.
Oh…the Asylum. I so want to love you, with your awesome SyFy movies like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus…and Mega Piranha… I love your ‘Balls out’ approach when it comes to making a movie that sounds like another movie, like Snakes on a Train, or Battle OF Los Angeles… I just WANT to love you and the crazy shit you do… that’s why I was SUPER excited when I got home to see a small DVD sized package awaiting me. My hands trembled…could this be one of the insane ‘Giant animal’ movies we just don’t get to see easily up here in Canada?!?!? Oh! Maybe it’s the heavily anticipated release of ‘Mega Python vs. Gatoroid’ match up…featuring pop icons Tiffany and Deborah Gibson? Why don’t you guys make ‘Mega Gibson vs. Super Koala!’ or…something, that’d be AWESOME! I ripped the package open… so EXCITED!!!
… aw fuck. It’s an exorcist movie.
Ok, let me explain: I love horror, but I kind of like my horror grounded in some kind of reality, even far fetched reality, and I realize that zombies and aliens and killers from beyond the grave aren’t exactly reality…but I know it’s a movie. Exorcism seem to me to be all made up shit…it’s always some girl, and somehow it’s always possessed by the devil… I doubt that is made up to get attention like some little princess… oh no, that HAS to be real….fuuuuuuuck. but I digress- this is a movie review, not a rant: So when I get something that is purported to be ‘real’ …feh. Putting all that aside, I just don’t normally like movies based on exorcism. Sorry, but I just don’t. I could give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut that some chick can pee on herself and swear and rip her clothes off and grunt and groan like some caged animal…and …hey, wait a minute, this should exactly like a movie I WOULD like! But then I remember, oh yeah…and exorcist movie. Well, fuck it, let me throw it in the DVD player and see what’s what…
I can’t say I liked it… but then again, I am not a good judge of an exorcist movie because I generally don’t like them anyway (with the exception being ‘the Exorcist’ itself).
Those that are really ‘into’ that whole thing may find some merit in this ‘film’ but really it doesn’t hold my interest because it’s really just a bunch of talking inter cut with scenes of the possessed little girl (who is old enough to rip off her clothes it seems…I kinda liked THAT part) Otherwise all the interesting and not interesting parts…kind of drag. Now, if all of a sudden ‘Giganta Tiffany’ kicked in the wall and took on the devil… NOW we’d have a movie! Sequel perhaps?
I think regular readers of the site know of my love for the cheesy fun horror I like at times, and that I have love promoting your craziness to the masses even though we don’t get SyFy here in Canada, and have to wait to get your films.
The Asylum… I feel like this review might just be like ‘farting in front of the cheerleader’. Will we ever get a chance to try again? I hope so…
In keeping with my new ‘rating system’ I’m gonna have to say ‘Meh’. Somebody might like it, just not me.
“In ZMD, a conservative island community is under attack! Port Gamble, Washington is being overrun with braineaters, and the people seem powerless to stave them off. A rag tag band of rebels led by Frida (Janette Armand), an Iranian college student suspected of being an Iraqi terrorist, and Tom (Doug Fahl), a gay business man who has returned to town with his partner to “come out†to his mother, tries to turn the tide and push the invading hoards of undead back.” (box description)
Wow, what to make of this… ZMD (Zombies of Mass Destruction) is a hodge podge of bad writing, bad acting, and bad effects. It’s the first film by director Kevin Hamedani, and although ambitious, inexperience really shows. Instead of delivering a traditional zombie tale, he tackles sensitive issues like racial profiling, gay relationships, religion, and politics in a slapstick kinda way that doesn’t come off half as funny as he thinks. Hamedani stumbles over his own jokes half the time, not being overly clever, or even creative. The effects are mediocre at its best, but look pretty damn cheap for the most part. What was really impressive about the film was the locations and sheer number of actors (if we can call them that). Also the pacing was pretty good throughout. Hamedani had all the basic ingredients to make a cool zombie flic, but unfortunately he tried to take it in a different direction… a political zomedy? I’m all for comedy… when it works, unfortunately Hamedani gives too much credit to his performers and the film suffers. Comedy is heavily dependent on timing and delivery… this lacked both.
ZMD is like ordering a steak with all the fixins and getting a peanut butter sandwich instead… it’s edible and it fills the void, but is it satisfying… I guess that depends on how much you like peanut butter.
Keep in mind ZMD is classified as a low budget production ($1,000,000), so if you’re into that, you’ll probably dig it. It stands high above a lot of the other straight to DVD stuff out there, but seriously… the next Shaun of the Dead ain’t gonna come on a straight to DVD title.
In the end, I really wanted to like this film, but found it more of a bearable distraction. Zombies Of Mass Destruction is part of the “8 Films To Die For” Horrorfest 2010 and it gets  3 rotting fingers out of 10.
