So, the Aslylum has been AWESOME lately by sending along movies for me to review, but I have been HORRIBLE at keeping up due to life issues… Yep, a Zobmieking with life issues, who knew? Anyway, I decided that in order to make a dent in some of the films piking up on my desk I’d do a two-fer. What better films to review than ‘2012 Zombie Apocalypse’ and the ever realistic, ‘2-Headed Shark Attack’! Let’s get things rolling (SPOILERS AHEAD):
2-Headed Shark Attack
Director: Christopher Ray
Synopsis: Survivors escape to a deserted atoll after a Semester at Sea ship is sunk by a mutated two-headed shark. But when the atoll starts flooding, no one is safe from the double jaws of the monster.
Ok, so lemme tell you right off…. this movie SHOULD stink on ice, but it’s actually fun as hell! There are some issues, but really, when you put in a movie called 2-Headed Shark Attack, what the fuck do you expect? Let me tell you about the film.
THE GOOD: It’s goofy fun, the teens are all pretty enough to watch frolic in the surf, AND THERE IS A 2-HEADED SHARK IN IT!!! I also love how they don’t really explain why it is there. Awesome!
THE BAD: Part of me will love Carmen Electra forever (And I’m pretty sure you all know which part I mean), but as much as she is an attractive woman, she needs to stop dressing like a 20 year old. Her Bikini scene is very uncomfortable (and too long) to watch, it’s as almost as if you can hear her inner dialogue telling her to suck it in, stretch out so she can hide her flaws. Don’t get me wrong, she’s still hot… but this was just…awkward. Brooke Hogan is not an actress… yet, she will need some work but she really wasn’t bad in this, at least not as bad as Charlie O’Connell as a professor? Hello, casting? Seriously? This guy as a teacher is as believable as Keanu as a brain surgeon. Just…no.
ZOMBIEKING’S SOUNDBITE: ‘2-Headed Shark Attack is a double feature all on it’s own, fun as hell!’
2012 ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
Director: Nick Lyon
I always get excited when I see an envelope from the Asylum, it’s like a little surprise every time it happens. When I opened this one, I literally spat out ‘FINALLY!’. I’ve been dying to see what they could do with a Zombie story. I wasn’t disappointed. Weeeeeelllll that’s not entirely true, but the flaws in the film do not outweigh the fact that the Asylum is getting pretty damn good these days. Take a peek at the trailer:
Synopsis: Months after a zombie plague has wiped out 90 percent of the American population, a small group of survivors fight their way cross-country to a rumored refuge on the island of Catalina.
THE GOOD: Ving fucking Rhames! Ving is really decent in a zombie movie, and he doesn’t disappoint here. I also loved seeing Eddie Steeples (Crabman) in this. I just wanted more of his character to show through. The makeup effects are pretty good, but they might have been a big ‘CG’ heavy. The story is EASILY set up for a sequel (HINT, HINT)
THE BAD: If you are going to make a character an ‘expert’ in swords… make sure she looks like she actually picked one up once in her life… Lesley-Ann Brandt, while pretty, comes off as the worst sword expert in history. Her ineptness in the stunt department made me laugh out loud. Again, I think this was more castings fault, but it sure makes the actress look bad. To that point, Taryn Manning looks like she’s asleep through the picture… I get that it’s a silly zombie movie, but dammit girl, we want to see you kicking some ass and treating your fans, not to watch you nap. Sorry, but she’s so good in other films, this just had a ‘give me the paycheck’ vibe to it. I felt let down. The script… has a few truck sized holes in it… not like any other zombie film, but never clearly establishing that the virus can be caught by animals, and all of a sudden zombie tigers?!?! What in the blue fuck??? A simple mention of this while the survivors were walking after the dog attack could have established this EASILY, so this was just poor scripting.
ZOMBIEKING’S SOUNDBITE: ‘Zombie Apocalypse is a solid addition to the good zombie films out today, let the asylum lock you up for a couple hours, you won’t regret it!’
So, with all that, what do I think of these films? They both have flaws, and they both have bonuses… with that in mind, overall I have to say they are BOTH:
Get a few friends and a few drinks… (maybe a few extra drinks if you’re uptight) and have some fun watching these offerings.
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